sweet merciful heaven!

I don't know if the above title is blasphemy, so I apologise exceedingly if it is; this was just the phrase that hit me on the distracted drive home, and it seemed appropriate in some far-stretched way.

I've been saving for a laptop.

I don't get much work, as I'm more of a call-girl; I fill in for anyone who isn't up to working, doing sporadic hours. But every dollar, every cent, (apart from the odd few dates, yogurt or petrol) I am saving in a laptop fund -

Ever since I was little, I've wanted a new bed - a dark wooden one, with carved flowers or stained glass. Ever since I was little - and now, finally, for my 18th birthday, my parents have decided to buy one for me. But my laptop need is so consuming that I've even resorted to asking them to overlook the bed and make a monetary contribution!!



And then, a backdoor opens and light falls through...

My parents seem to be in possession of some magic card/account thing, with which I may purchase my laptop and not pay any interest for three years. I'd have it now, and be paying off my parents.


At first, it seemed... a hollow prospect? For what else had I been devoting all my savings to? To what end had I focused my mind, money and energy? I had suddenly something to work for, really earn - and now I get to venture the high-road? It sat ill with me.

But then I thought to myself:

Indi, you are an idiot.

Take the high road. You'll still be paying for it, still working for it...

But will the motivation be quite so intense?




On this dire laptop-need of mine: I don't know where it's come from, or why it is there. It seems an empty yearning, somehow - I feel, deep down, as though I might really be apathetic towards it. What are material possessions anyway? I feel as though I don't truly, deeply, full-heartedly want anything material anymore. They feel like surface-wants, fleeting.

But a laptop certainly would be handy and very, very nifty. I think about it and I am delighted to say that a spark of excitement bubbles still. I am smiling right now.

I'm a many-sided lass, am I not?





I am taking the highroad, and I am excited about it. And I've thought of something new to save for!

Travel!