I found out why Eve smells.

As Gwen Stefani once said,

"This sh** is bananas,

B-A-N-A-N-A-S..."

I never quite understood what she meant by that, until today.

Cleaning my car today I decided to check out the boot. I rarely have to clean in there, 'cos I never put anything in there. Or so I thought.

At first, I thought it was a rotting steak. It was black and slick as tar, and it stuck to its plastic wrapping as if sucking it in. It lay in a dark brown puddle between my earth mattresses and many, many tissue-packets, tiny rice-like maggots sprinkled around, tiny flies swirling lazily about as if they'd never seen the sun. I yelped - a disgusted, drawn out sound, both times confused (as to how a steak could have possibly got in my boot) and relieved (for I had found the source of the smell at last - indeed, a gust of it, grainy with flies, buffered me as I open the boot door).

To be honest, I was in a good mood, and when in a good mood I like to respond to surprising things in a melodramatic way. I ran upstairs and called Mum (as I was at another house) and ranted to her about it for a while, voice loud and half-hysterical, while inwardly I half-seriously toyed with possibility that someone had slipped something vile and weird ( a body part, perhaps) into my car.

I do not buy steak, so we were at a loss as to how the unappreciated thing had turned up in my boot.

Mum (I could feel her eyes rolling at me from across the phoneline) told me to just close the boot and bring it home so we could deal with it. Hanging up the phone, I was over the melodrama. I didn't feel like exaggerating anymore. I closed the boot, giving the ? a distrustful look, and drove home with all the windows down. Now I knew what the smell could be, I could no longer stand it.

Getting home me and mum classfied the disturbance as rotted bananas though I'd already had the epiphany during the drive home. The smell still lingers, but I feel much better now to know it'll soon be disippitating and contentment is only a few hundred vaccuums away.

But yes. I have photos, but I don't want to frighten you. All I'll say is that they were way, WAY beyond any kind of banana cake potential. You think that's black - you should of seen them!

Then, I had to go to work and be surrounded by the things. I don't think I'll be eating bananas for a long, long time.